As I write the first few posts to this study—God has me right here, in another place of surprise, shock, horror, and desperation—completely at the end of myself—in need of intervention only He can provide.
In my trying to express the importance of unopened packages—He has brought me to a place where I feel all of it. I felt surprise at the knowledge of an unplanned pregnancy.
I felt excitement begin to bubble as Brian and I nervously laughed at God’s plans versus ours.
I felt horror as I experienced what I was sure was a miscarriage, something I've already walked through.
I felt shock and joy hearing a heartbeat on the ultrasound.
I felt the weight of strong words as the Doctor said, “complicated,” “hemorrhaging,” and “continued risk of miscarriage.”
I felt the mixed swirl of emotions as we told our parents about a heartbeat, and the waiting period ahead of us. I hold my breath with no idea when or how I’ll exhale next.
So ladies, I need to admit to you that as I type, I'm holding a very real, yet figurative unopened box in my lap. There's a baby inside, and I really want to open it in April.
I wait on the Lord, praying for the baby to grow.
Sometimes boxes are petty, immature and a result of cultural over-influence. Sometimes they are the opposite. Sometimes they are raw and unavoidable—boxes wrapped with what should have or could have been. Sometimes packages are completely out of our control.
But they continue to sit, wrapped neatly, unopened, and waiting to be dealt with.
Philippians 2:12-13 “Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence, but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.”
I close my eyes, and I’m back on that church stage, 18, bold yet scared, and believing that anything is possible. I believed then that the God calling me nine hours from home was calling me to great things. That His plans are always good, and perfect.
Tonight, I search for words. I want to praise Him, but I really just want to be held by Him. I still believe He who has called me is great, His plans are good and perfect. But 12 years ago, my dream journal was without a trial, and a history, like this one.
Is it okay that I’m admitting all of this? Gosh, I hope so. Because you know what—it’s cathartic and healing. I refuse to let Satan convince me that I’m the only one hurting tonight. 12 years ago I probably would have burrowed and turned inward, but if additional years’ experience with trials, packages, deferred and tarnished dreams have taught me anything… I know that God does have a purpose in all of this. I will stand firm on the promises of Christ because "let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised us is faithful." Hebrews 10:23
I’m tired and worn out, but I’m not down. Satan can try to slow me down, but he cannot stop me. Twelve years ago, a bold, sweet, scared girl stood up and professed a life verse. Twelve years later, a bold, sweet, scared girl is resting in a once-professed life verse.
No matter what box is or isn’t sitting in your lap today, we have so many beautiful promises from our Heavenly Father throughout scripture to lean on. This verse from Galatians is one I’m clinging.
“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not nullify the grace of God, for if righteousness were through the law, that Christ died for no purpose.” Galatians 2:20-21 ESV
What about you, where are you today?
What are you wrestling with?
What verses do you cling to in times of trial? Write them down, memorize them, put them on your mirror, on your refrigerator, in your purse, on your phone/computer profile shot to remind you of Who He is and who you are in Him.
I’d love to see us encourage each other by commenting on favorite verses of promise for each other.
Week 1 re-cap: I hope you’ve been able to identify what kind of packages you might have in your own life. Have you worked on your list? Is it somewhere private and safe? Be praying over that the next couple days.
Coming up: The next three posts will be about Sarah, the Mother of a Nation, who waited 90 years to become a biological mother. We’ll discuss her story—what’s told in scripture, and think on what’s not. We’ll become detectives as we study her life, her situation, and her possible packages.
Have I told you that I’m praying for you? I’m humbled and honored that you’ve come this far already. Today I’m finding hope in knowing that God has things to teach and show us through the study of His word. My prayer is that we can open the eyes of our hearts to receive whatever He has for us.
Please share your response in the comments section below or join the conversation with our Facebook Community Group. #undividedwomen