When my husband, Jeremiah, was in his residency program, I said something that hurt him deeply. It’s something that he still brings up to this day, over ten years later. It was during one of our “dream” conversations. You know, the conversations that you start having on your very first date, about all the hopes and aspirations you each have for your life. The problem is that when your dating relationship turns into a marriage relationship, those dreams can change from a fun way to get to know each other to a feeling of responsibility and a pressure not to disappoint.
It was during one of these “dream” conversations when I said the hurtful words, “When you are making good money, we will be able to…”
Let me explain that when divided by the number of hours he worked at the time, Jeremiah’s hourly rate was about $1.06. Minimum wage would have been GREAT money to us. But it was not about the money to him; it was about him feeling that whatever he provided was “good” to me, because he had worked very hard to provide it.
I thought we were dreaming together and floating above our immediate circumstances, but really I was sinking him into a life where there would be no time for dreams… only work.
What can we do then, as wives and dreamers, to continue sharing our aspirations with our husbands without suffocating them? What wife in the Bible had big dreams? Esther!
This is what I learned from reading about Esther and her dreams:
- Esther’s dream was a part of God’s plan to save the Jewish nation… No pressure! Are my dreams God-honoring? What are the motives behind my dreams?
- Our dreams can have no fulfillment if they are not God’s will for us, and they cannot be thwarted if they are God’s will for us. I should rest in that. Rest in God’s sovereign plan and remove the pressure from my husband. (Esther 4:13-14)
- Three times Esther approaches her husband with her dream on her lips and each time she begins with the words, “If it pleases the King…” I need to recognize that my dreams are no longer mine alone. My dreams are now shared dreams just as my life is a shared life. Do my dreams please my husband too, or are they only about me?
- Read Esther 7:1-4 and Proverbs 19:21.
- Have you dreamed with your spouse or with God lately about future plans?
- What are your dreams?
- Do your dreams honor your spouse?
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